I made it. I cannot believe that I made it alive. 2019 was definitely the hardest and darkest year of my entire existence. I came out bruised, had cuts here and there, and basically, 3/4 of my year was color grey. But those dark times showed me who my real friends are, who my real family is, and who’s willing to save me, even from myself. I made it, and it’s all because of the people who didn’t give up on me even though I cannot give positivity in return. 2019 taught me lots of things but these stood out the most:
Believe in prodigious love.
A love that is too good to be true is something that you should not be afraid of. ‘What if it doesn’t work out?” WHAT IF IT WILL? Believe in the good in the too good to be true because this is love and love is pure, love does not hurt.
Your Friends have masks too.
This hits home. As if it was a curse that every year–it seems–I am losing someone close to me, and 2019 was not an exception. That event made me realized that our friends before we treat them as family, even though we already treat them as family, they aren’t an exception to putting their ugly mask on. The mask that can ruin a divine friendship, a mask that once put on, stays on their faces. And no matter how sorry they maybe, MAYBE, all we can see is the mask, not the face they once showed us.
Embrace your weakness and it shall be your strength.
This year, I was diagnosed with MDD (Major Depression Disorder) caused by ACE (Adverse Childhood Experiences). I thought my PPD (Post Partum Depression) is not yet over but my doctor told me that this runs way back during my childhood on my first psychotherapy session.
I need to acknowledge the fact that I am sick and will be well in due time. I don’t plan to stay long in this state but I am weak. My mind, in some days still gives me a picture of me hanging or cutting myself BUT I am fighting. I was once a fighter and that I know will not die in me. I am my Father’s daughter, I pray to get through this through God’s grace, family and friends.
I am weak for now, but I am ready to face my 2020 headstrong even if I have a bruised mind, shattered spirit, and aching heart. Still, 2019 was a good year and it’s all because of my friends and kids. May your 2020 be filled with abundance and fight for what you deserve, may it brings you to higher heights and may it give you faith stronger than the previous years.
xoxo,
Ferry Writes 